Wind Turbine Land Agent 

Hello, my name is Gary Hoopdeedoopdee and I represent the Acme wind turbine company from Spain.

Hi, my name is Jim – what can I do for you?

I have a great opportunity for you. I want to lease your land to put up a wind turbine. I only need one-quarter on an acre for the turbine and I will pay you a nominal fee. I have a simple eighty-five-page lease for you, so just sign on the dotted line.

Wow! this lease looks very complicated, and I noticed you are putting all my two hundred acres under lease.

This is so that we can do what we want, wherever we want, whenever we want, on all your land for the rest of your and your children’s lives. This lease is for one hundred years.

Turbines are large machines – what will my neighbors think? I’d better talk to them first.

No! don’t do that. Our contract must remain secret. Your neighbors and friends will quickly develop an affliction we call turbine envy. They may bring peer-reviewed papers to you and say turbines are dangerous and noisy, cause shadow flicker and loss of property value. They will probably stop talking to you. you must disregard all this information and only listen to me and read what I give to you. I know what is best for you. Here, take my pen.

Is a five-hundred-foot-tall turbine really safe one thousand feet from a home?

Of course! A young doctor at the health department did an extensive one-week review of the materials we supplied to him and concluded that there is not a problem living near a turbine. Pay no attention to anyone who says anything negative about turbines! Now it’s time to sign the contract.

Not yet! I want to check all this out first.

Time is of the essence! Think of me as the mother ship and this is your only chance to jump on board! A lot of others in the area have already signed on. This is your only chance to save the world! If I leave without this contract signed I will not come back, so sign here!

Just a minute! what about the noise and shadow flicker you mentioned?

Turbines are quiet! Discount any information from others who live near turbines with complaints of sleepless nights, jet engine sounds, vibrations, and shadows in their homes that resemble someone turning the lights off and on for hours, as well as people abandoning their homes due to illness. They’re all hysterical! You should only listen to me – now sign.

I see that by signing the contract I am under a gag order – but what happens if my neighbors have problems?

We would consider this an anomaly and ignore it, but this is what courts and lawyers are for: They should plan on a long and expensive legal fight. And by the way, Acme wind is an LLC with no assets, so I don’t know who they would even be able to sue. Let’s get this lease signed.

I will not sign! Get out of my home and off my property and never come back! I will not do this to my friends and neighbors!

Alright then, I will be back in a week to talk more!